From a couchsurfing message board...

In the last class, a few of you asked for my take on polygamy; the question tickled my brain again when I stumbled across this post on a www.couchsurfing.com message board:


"Re: Polyamory... your take?
10/10/08 5:16 am
this has been a wonderful thread to follow, thanks to everyone who's been involved!

i have a very intense, close bond with my partner, and we have maintained a pretty "traditional" monogamous relationship for the past 3 years. i am deeply in love with him, and we are both very happy.

and we have recently been dabbling in the world of polyamory.

polyamory is something that i didn't know the word for before a couple of months ago, but had been battling with / revelling in since i knew that sex was a good thing [...when i was 3?]. i've had multiple lovers, sometimes openly and sometimes not. for a long while, i thought that i was just a hedonist, irresponsible, searching for love and sex everywhere... some people called me promiscuous, a few respected my path. it was hard to convince people that i really did love all of my partners and that i wasn't just hungry for sex. it's comforting to know that other people feel this way, and acknowledge that it IS possible to love more than one person.

trust, confidence, communication and honesty are integral to our current relationship. because my partner and i trust each other and are completely open and honest with each other, this strange new thing called 'polyamory' is only adding to our relationship. the transition is difficult for my partner, because he has always been in and observed traditional relationships - but we're exploring. we are totally open about how we are feeling every step of the way, dynamic boundaries and all. [aside from the awesomeness of sharing love with more than one person, my relationship with my partner has benefitted significantly. we are communicating and sharing and learning and exploring and experimenting together, complicated love and all!]

jealousy could make a polyamorous relationship ugly. my partner trusts me completely, to only do what i am comfortable with and only what will make me happy....and he doesn't get jealous, even though he doesn't really embrace polyamory...yet. [amazing.] i am trying to apply his reasoning to my own life, to be able to reciprocate that happiness and comfort. it's become apparent to me recently that what you really need is confidence in your love - trust yourself, be confident in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. if communication is totally open, everyone is comfortable in their own skin, and you really do share LOVE, then polyamory just, well..makes sense (:

i think that one reason why women are more reluctant to talk about this kind of relationship than men is because we are much more quickly called loose, slutty, etc. from the outside, polyamory can very easily be seen as promiscuity, and while promiscuity is almost-okay for guys, it's definitely societally unacceptable for women. a man who has multiple partners, communal love, etc is cool, normal, whatever. a woman who has multiple partners is mentally unstable and needs support, is a whore, etc. this is bullshit, and thankfully is becoming less and less of an issue [...or maybe it's because i live in california?].

...and yes, i am young and idealistic. and i will be middle-aged and idealistic. and old and idealistic. what's real without ideals?"

**********************
I'll be honest: I struggle with accepting the idea that someone can be in committed, polyamorous relationships. I suppose I wonder at a person's ability to be 'committed' to more than one (it's hard enough to be committed to one person when one's additional relationships to family, friends, work, service, God, etc...are considered) person romantically, and I am definitely biased towards monogamous relationships---though I can respect a person who is uncommitted to anyone else being in casual, consensual relationships with multiple partners. But relationships based on trust, love, commitment, respect--I guess I'm stuck in a bias for monogamy because of the intimacy involved...I just can't imagine being able to be intimate in an emotional, physical, and spiritual way with more than one person. And wouldn't like it if my boyfriend were. Does that mean we trust each other less? I'm not sure. Obviously, this poster's partner is still not sold (she says 'yet'). What if he doesn't come around? Will it have been worth it? I'm not sure...

Still, when I think of families--they act as one unit, and the most loving ones are committed to one another. Take siblings, for instance. Can three brothers not be as intimately connected and loving as two brothers? No one would argue triplets have less of a closeness than twins, no?

So, I suppose I have to acknowledge that I have no problem accepting extraordinary closeness between more than 2 people outside of romantic relationships--why do I fumble with polyamory? And will I ever change my mind?

The questions remain....

Here's a disturbing case of domestic violence that also begs for an analysis of race, religion, immigrant issues, and sexism.

Consider the following:

1. Why call the act an 'honor killing'? Does that focus too much of the blame on Islam and not enough on sexist behavior defended in the name of religion?

2. What are the possible problems of failing to recognize the element religion played in the violence?

3. How much should concern for avoiding racist and bigoted ideas of Islam (or any other faith) guide the way we look at specific instances of radical religious-rooted violence?

4. How can we avoid an unfair critique of Islam while still acknowledging the complex motivation for this violence and the needs of immigrant women being abused for cultural and/or religious reasons?

5. How might we still best understand this violence as not a religious problem but a sexist problem?

Some Food for Thought

Here's a link to an interesting blog that you might want to watch :): http://thecurvature.com/2008/03/07/bad-ass-womens-activists-of-the-week-smacking-down-rape-apologists-edition/

And an interesting article on title IX: http://insidehighered.com/news/2008/09/24/sports

And in recent news at Alma: http://www.alma.edu/news/releases/archives/2008/09/17/marching_band

Enjoy!

Sample Week One

Let's say your topic in contemporary women's issues was Women and the 2008 Presidential Campaign.

Here's an example of what you might post during week one for your topic:

Check out Sarah Palin's position on abortion here:

[Insert 75-100 word comment on these quotes]

You can read more about Palin and her stance on the issues at http://www.ontheissues.org/Sarah_Palin.htm.

SNL video that's got everyone talking:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/34465/saturday-night-live-palin--hillary-open

[Insert 75-100 word comment on this video]

This link contains several other links to articles discussing the impact of gender on the Clinton campaign:
http://womensissues.about.com/od/hillaryclinton/p/SexismHillary.htm
[Insert 75-100 word summary of these links and their usefullness]

Contemp. Issues Blog Evaluation Criteria

Your contemporary issues blog will be evaluated according to the following criteria:

1. Posted Content (30%)
Each week, you must post at least 3 new items or links on your blog. These items must connect directly to your contemporary issue and add in some way to an understanding of the issue/the arguments surrounding it/approaches to responding to the issue.

2. Content Reviews/Reflections (30%)
Each week, you must also provide 75 to 100-word reviews/reflections on at least 3 of the items you post (if you post more than 3 items, you do not have to provide a review or reflection of those additional posts).

3. Comments on others' blogs (30%)
Each week, you must also provide a 100-word or more comment on at least two of your classmates' blogs. These comments can either respond to their posted items or to their issue in general.

4. Presentation/style (10%)
To help maintain a level of professionalism and academic standards, be sure to carefully proofread and edit your blogs. That doesn't mean that you can't incorporate your personality into your blog--this is your space, so speak up and out in your own voice, in your own words. But don't be sloppy or lazy.

Compare the voices in these two blogs, for example:

http://www.theluckynest.com/ (this voice is conversational and personal, but still creative and smart).

http://red.blogs.aol.com/rtbear6/writing_is_my_life_but_ill_settle_for_cheesepuffs/ (nothing wrong per se, but probably a little too relaxed).

Try to strike a balance, yeah?



Here are some links to other blogs you might find interesting/inspiring:

http://www.wimnonline.org/WIMNsVoicesBlog/
Note how this blog has a mix of links and articles from other sites, as well as reflections from the bloggers themselves.

http://www.ourbodiesourblog.org/
Women's health news

http://www.vivalafeminista.com/
Check out the description of this blogger. How would you describe yourself?

http://girldrive.blogspot.com/2008/01/project.html
An inspiration, for sure :).